The Cup of Salvation

We are fully in the season of Lent and quickly approaching the time in the Church calendar of deepest reflection, isolation, betrayal, and redemption.  A friend recently wrote me and also reflected on the timing of Lent in my current physical (and mental) journey.  In the past five years or so Lent has become increasingly meaningful and profound for me--each year in a new and unexpected manner.  Even when I set out with a specific intention, I find that rarely was what I thought would be my practice, discipline, or sacrifice actually my place of deepest learning, growth, or pain in the end.  So too I suppose is true for this Lenten season.  This year I have both voluntarily and involuntarily attempted to fast and to strip away some level of distraction in my life--to focus on my purpose and calling(s).  These attempts have included deleting some distracting games on my phone and getting off of Facebook (though I never was on there much to begin with) as well as involuntarily fasting from thyroid, iodine, parathyroid hormone etc.  However, I also find that sometimes this illness has served as a distraction from spiritual practice or certainty with bills, medical articles, and new worries fighting for space in my mind.  

This previous week, and in the one to come, I have been fasting from iodine (well it's impossible to avoid all together...but I've been on the low iodine diet).  I've been doing this in preparation for tests this coming Friday which will help determine what if any further treatment I pursue at this time.  During the preparation and testing (from Wednesday til Saturday morning) I will be quite isolated at home, with Rylie happily nestled away at a friends.  Surely the fasting, testing, and isolation are vastly different from the fasting, temptation/testing, and isolation Jesus experienced in the dessert and in preparation for His sacrifice, but it has added another layer of reflection for me this Lenten season--another opportunity to know that God is with me through this journey and all the unknown journeys to come.  God knows my pain and even when we feel isolated or alone our community of friends, faith, family and our Sustainer is ever present.  Even perhaps when we feel most alone and uncertain.  Today in church, a wonderful community I began worshiping with just weeks prior to my diagnosis, I had the privilege of serving the communion cup to the congregation, which again deepened my experience of connection with my community of faith and fellow humans.

We each carry our burdens differently and it is difficult to know what is a struggle and what is a triumph for another, without being consistently present with the other.  During the children's worship today, a young toddler took the hand of her neighbor and reached out her hand to the younger child at her other side when the pastor began to pray.  Even her outreached hand to the younger and clearly uncomfortable child next to her would have been sweet to witness, but this was particularly moving as she had never wanted to hold her neighbor's hand before.  In fact, I'd witnessed her scream and cry prior Sundays when a child attempted to take her hand...and today...she reached out her own hand and openly held the hand of her neighbor.  We all saw it, we all were in awe of her in that moment and her profound growth and accomplishment.  It was moving to celebrate such a seemingly simple act that we all knew had been quite a challenge to achieve.  So let me disclose my concrete desires for growth, healing, and triumph here.  I am seeking continued clarity and discernment on the next steps.  On Monday I will get an update on my parathyroids (I'm hoping for 5 or more--ideally eventually above 12).  And then on Friday, I'm praying for below one...that would be fantastic and then minimal uptake in the I-131 body scan.  I will let you know what I find out and in the mean time I appreciate prayers, positive thoughts, and your continued presence.      

Not sure what flower this is...but it is in my yard
Joanne says it is called: winter aconite

snowbells blooming in the front
Joanne says it's actually: snowdrop galanthus
I have now raked the leaves away